Borderline Personality Disorder

B.P.D

- Borderline Personality Disorder

One of the hardest things to do is to confess,

You now know only of the existence of Pandora's box

You don't listen, you hear

You wait for a pause;

a round of applause

"There are worse off people than you"

Yes, that is true.

Guilt is an emotion I am only too aware of.

Shame.

I thought I recognised my salvation,

I confided in who I believed to be my knight.

Expectations followed by realisations;
The sun caused illusions

Those beams, those rays

Now back to the demons of every day,

Because like stars, you too are surrounded by darkness.

Denial.
How can you analyse something which is yet to be presented?
I will not be wrapped with a pretty bow
"I think, therefore I am"
But Descartes, my man,
I cannot continue as myself; 
The cracks are becoming more visible

Emptiness.
How can something so hollow be filled with such weight?
They remain unsolved, untouched, incurable
It swallows and consumes
Whilst life resumes
This hole is an anchor that refuses to budge.

Regret.
I tried to explain, tried to plea my case that I am not a taboo.
The impossible - numb yet filled with fear
Wanting to be alone, but wishing anyone was here.
It's when I'm left with my thoughts
that winter creeps into my veins

Let's try again, "hi nice to meet you, I'm anyone but me."
Keep up the pretence, just keep treading water
One more person that doesn't understand
Just another grain of sand.
"She was such a happy girl, she was always helping others."
Yet she could not save herself.
Nobody knew her daily struggles
They just defined her as "mental health."


- Rachel Reece 

This is a poem regarding B.P.D, a mental health disorder which is commonly confused with bipolar. According to the DSM IV, "BPD is manifested by a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation. This is called "splitting."
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. 
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). 
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. 
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). 
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms."